Simplicity * Four Steps to Doing Less, and Enjoying More

It was not all that long ago that Marie Kondo released her bestseller, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, subsequently followed by a Netflix series where we could watch the cluttered mess of people’s existence be practically magicked into beauty, simplicity and ease. I will be honest, I have never read the book, nor do I think I need to, but I did gobble up the series. I felt true visceral and physical relief as I watched homes become ordered, intentional, simple. Let’s be clear, I am not one of those minimalists who keeps my home pristine - I require a certain amount of chotchkies for my home to feel cozy, I enjoy a “lived in” type of feel. I, however, also know the amazing power of simplicity, as I have coached many families through this concept on their parenting journey - a journey which seems synonymous with more stuff and more to do!

Simplicity, however, in our environments and the actions of our lives, supports our physical, emotional, and mental health. It calms our nervous system. It provides rest from the constant stimulation of the world around us. When life begins to feel hectic, overwhelming, fast and furious, I know it is time to simplify or I will burn out, and while I burn, I will undoubtedly hurt those closest to me - which is never a good feeling. Luckily, through many chances, I have learned this monumental magic: I enjoy more, get more from life, and accomplish all of my goals, when I Do Less! This paradoxical gem is what Ms. Kondo is getting to. Understand what “sparks joy” in your life, and let go of the rest! Although she is working with physical items, I find that this approach is what is also needed in the choices and actions that make up our lives. All too often, we find ourselves overwhelmed by the lists of things that must be accomplished each day, and as a parent, you are not only managing your list, but your children’s lists as well! Let’s make life simple, easy and enjoyable with some very practical magic to simplify your life.

Step One: What are you doing?!

Make a list of EVERYTHING each member of the family does: each day, each week, and on occasion. Write it ALL out - each little detail. Run through the day from waking until sleep for each person and include even the small activities like brushing hair, getting dressed, making coffee, letting the cat out, staring out the window...what are all the things your family does? Which of these are necessary for the survival and healthy flow of the family? Which of these bring heartfelt joy and pleasure, and for whom? If it does not provide joy, then what is it providing?

Step Two: Daily activities - getting down to what sparks joy.

Once you have your very detailed lists, say each activity out loud. Close your eyes, when thinking of doing the activity, how does your body feel? What is the response? Is there resistance? Is there happiness? Is there numbness? Just observe what sensations come up for you as you picture yourself, or your family member, engaged in this activity. There are no wrong sensations, just be curious. Circle the activities that bring up pleasing and joyful sensations - that “spark Joy.” These will be the items to prioritize. These will be your family's essential nutrients.

Step Three: Creativity, a change in perspective

Eventually, you will come to an activity that does not spark joy, but you have deemed it necessary for the wellbeing of your family. Set those aside to return to last. Once you are clear on the items that truly cultivate a sense of enjoyment for yourself and family, begin to look at those less desirable, but essential activities. Ask yourself, are they truly necessary? Some things we think are necessary, are not actually needed - or they were for a time, but that time has passed. Ask yourself, why is it necessary? What does it provide? What would make it more joyful? How could it be done differently to create joy? How would you like to feel while engaged in this activity? These will help you transform something stagnant into something supportive.

For example, as a young single mom and full time teacher, I tortured myself trying to always provide wholesome meals. Somehow, I had fallen prey to the idea that my success as a parent, and my daughter’s ultimate wellbeing in the world, hinged on having a color wheel of food, whole grains, and slow cooked nutrition at all times. Not to mention, my inner critic was oh-so-quick to point out where I may be failing. Luckily, through the passing of time and the gift of exhaustion, I began to realize that my child was quite healthy. Missing a color in her meal was not going to kill her. I thought of the people who used to survive on bread and butter, even recalling the times from my life where dinner consisted of just rice. I began to loosen up, to relax. Now, we didn’t go to the extreme of only eating bread, but when I was stressed and needed a break - I gave myself one, and even started to put them in our dinner rhythms. We loved the occasional Brinner (breakfast for dinner), as well as Friday Funday (when we ate out so that I did not have to cook or clean). These changes, in turn, created greater joy and connection for the both of us.

I encourage you to get creative with those tasks that you may be less than thrilled to do. If, like me, it is a struggle to constantly cook, try a take-out night or pre-made meals. Perhaps a cheese and cracker picnic in a blanket fort, or emergency snack packs - a collection of items your children can pick from to make their own meal. When we try new ways of doing things, we enliven the energy of that activity. We imbue it with new life and enthusiasm. We shake off the dust, which is sometimes all we need to see how beautiful and enjoyable it truly can be.

Step Four: Eliminate with gratitude

Let go of those activities that are not necessary and do not spark joy! By the steps above, you will have greater clarity to just what those activities are. Shed what no longer fits into your life, that does not energize and enthuse. Simplify and minimize the amount of activity your family engages in, doing only what truly enlivens everyone. And as we shed the superfluous, the time fillers, take time to acknowledge the goodness, help, and memories they provided. Thank them for the frustration they provided that spurred the need for change. Thank them for the fun they once gave and the ability to see what your family has outgrown and is ready to call in. Say thank you for their gifts and lessons, and then, let them go….

When we simplify, we are truly aligning with our essence - those activities that are most fulfilling at a deep and sustainable level. It is like choosing a diet that packs a power punch of the most essential health giving nutrients. Prepare to enjoy life with greater energy, grace and ease! Prepare to do less and enjoy more!