How to Connect at Mealtime
3 Ways to Transform Table Time Chaos into Connection
Congratulations! Everyone has made it to the table, the meal has been cooked, the table set, perhaps a blessing has even been said, but now what? Does meal time turn into a cacophony of voices or demands? Is food scarfed down and members quickly wish to flee? When eating with young children, it takes time to set the intent and expectations around meal time. It takes care, attention, and a great deal of modeling desired behavior. Once the boundaries are set and held, however, a natural flow will eventually form.
First, let's get clear on your intent for meal times. Do you wish to create an atmosphere of sharing, talking, laughing? Is it a time for quiet and gratitude? Is it a time for you, as the parent, to sit down and not be bothered by anything else? Is it a combination of these things? Knowing just what experience you are wishing to create will guide you in how you hold table time, as well as the activities you choose to include there. Below are a couple ideas to set an intention at meal time and help the conversation flow. Choose what resonates with you, or use them as inspiration to create your own point of connection.
Rose, Bud, and Thorn:
Each person, starting with the parents (we always set the example), takes a turn sharing a favorite moment from the day (rose), something they are looking forward to (bud) and something that was not quite what they wanted, or was down-right undesirable (thorn). In this, children are learning how to wait for their turn, how to engage in conversation with the whole family, as well as getting a chance to see that they are not alone in their struggles, hopes and celebrations - their parents have them too! This is a wonderful opportunity to bear witness to what is living in each family member. From here, conversation can flow, taking turns, but is still directed by a parent. Young children need help remembering whose turn it is to talk, and when it is time to listen.
Appreciations:
Each person takes a turn sharing what they most appreciate about their day, or their meal, or someone at the table - you choose the topic and take time to share gratitude. This simple sharing helps children, as well as adults, to see the gifts that often go overlooked in our lives, opening our hearts to new possibilities.
Silent Candle:
Sometimes, we just need a moment of quiet in our busy, noisy lives. Lighting a special candle at the beginning of a meal can provide just that. Explain to children that as long as the candle is glowing, everyone will be silent - just eating their food. Perhaps this will lead into one of the above sharing activities, so everyone can be prompted to think of what they appreciate, or their rose, bud, and thorn. After a few minutes of silence, choose someone to blow or snuff out the candle, letting talking commence.
Meal times are a wonderful opportunity to connect with our loved ones and share about our day, commiserating when necessary and laughing together. There is an art to listening and as parents, this is your time to shine - let your child feel your full attention when they share about their day, and thank them for sharing. As they grow, they will in turn do the same for others.
